@weinerdog4life: You scream, I scream, we all scream, then I leave the women's restroom.
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@nerdonfire1: Apparently, the words "I'd still hit it" are words best kept to yourself at a funeral
@dazedandsincere: Young man cashier: Ma'am, if you don't mind me saying, you have really beautiful eyes. What I heard: Ma'am
@shariv67: There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.
@histwaddle: Two cans of Red Bull may give you x-ray vision, but five cans give you the ability to hear oxygen.