@UNTRESOR: You should always read labels. I was about to eat this rat poison but then saw it has gluten in it. I could have died,
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@AimeeHelene1: *hears someone breaking in* *grabs gun and walks down hallway* *cord drags* *realizes I grabbed Nintendo gun from Duck Hunt* *gets shot*
@kentgrossarth: Accidentally dialed 911 so I set my neighbor's house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid.
@turd_firebird: If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.