@UNTRESOR: You should always read labels. I was about to eat this rat poison but then saw it has gluten in it. I could have died,
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@cuckoo_cachu: At this point, I'm positive I've read the entire Bible via Facebook status updates. *crosses off bucket list*
@Surhailo: Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, but there sure are a lot of unauthorized charges on the credit card.
@Coolisiana: (Ad for a baby) • gently used • can't even kill you • doesn't shed • poops on a learning curve • goes from 0-60 in roughly 60 years
@HollyMemphis: Friend: "I just blew a speaker in my car." Me: "Which kind?" Friend: "Motivational."