@UNTRESOR: You should always read labels. I was about to eat this rat poison but then saw it has gluten in it. I could have died,
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@murrman5: [determined not to have any awkward silence during date] "so, what's your favorite part of a banana?"
@rockymomax: [oval office] SECRETARY: (shrieks) there's a dead rat on my desk! PRESIDENT WHO IS A CAT: wow someone must really like you *winks*
@trojansauce: [interview] "what's you're biggest weakness?" *whispers* "sorry i couldn-" I CANT CONTROL MY VOLUME
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is talking to a parrot. "I'm Bruce Willis" he says. The parrot repeats it. "yeah right" Bruce says, but is secretly worried