@trevso_electric: You should be my grillfriend. Not a typo, girl. You're hot enough to cook meat on.
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@tastefactory: COP: Damn I left my regular handcuffs at home, all I have is these candy handcuffs. I trust that u won't eat ur way out of these CROOK: Sure
@JohnHilsen: Did you know that Mark Zuckerberg and the guy who played the blue Power Ranger are cousins? Just not to each other. But they are cousins.
@FrenulumBreve: ME: [licking lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before. INSTRUCTOR: don't lick my lips again.
@Sarcasticsapien: I hope I die alone. I mean, you'd have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.