@trevso_electric: You should be my grillfriend. Not a typo, girl. You're hot enough to cook meat on.
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@mjkspeaks: Maybe Jehovah's Witnesses keep knock knock knocking because they're looking for Heaven's Door. You don't know.
@mjkspeaks: [on phone with attorney] HIM: you're being charged for murder. ME: damn that sounds expensive i guess you can just put it on my Amex
@myles_morrison: I changed my wifi name to "14.4k dial up connection" so no one would bother stealing my signal.
@Tommytoughstuff: *Picks up extra virgin olive oil. *smirks* "Not for long my friend. Not for long."