@Love_bug1016: “You should eat only six fries per serving.” What’s next? Telling us something psycho like eating an entire pizza doesn’t count as one serving?
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@DirtMcTurd: My girlfriend says she's my best friend but she got so mad when I called her a homo and threw a snowball at her face. Women are so confusing
@davedittell: hey atheists: if God isn't real then who did I just give my credit card information to over the phone?
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Did you give the kids a bath? Me: I got the dirt off. Wife: What does that mean? Me: *hides the leaf blower*