@MsSugar_Kisses: "You should leave your wife..." The secret note I leave on my husband's windshield every morning...
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@weinerdog4life: Wanna know my secret to rock hard abs? I ride the mechanical duck outside the grocery store 300 times a day.
@Bipartisanism: "Joe Biden and I are so close, some places in Indiana refuse to serve us pizza." - President Obama
@BuckyIsotope: *moon landing* That's one small step for man, one giant leap for updog "What's updog?" NOT MUCH JUST WALKING ON THE MOON WHAT'S UP WITH YOU
@audipenny: Sometimes I accidentally make eye contact with someone and it's like "well I better just go with it" and I begin sprinting at them