@super_morgasm: You shouldn't be allowed to wear animal print if you are bigger than said animal.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: People are like, "You're not allowed to have a favorite child." Blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, "BUT YOU SHOULD SEE THIS KID SHOVEL SNOW!"
@psybermonkey: [First date] Her: I love to travel. Me: *stands up with basketball* I don't think this is gonna work.
@samalmightysam: Back in the day, with $2 bucks you could go to the store and walk out with a bunch of Doritos, and beer. Now they have security cameras.