@oakhillbargrill: You take the oxy out of oxymoron
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@Jeff_Ross_MD: BREAKING: President Obama shows solidarity with victims in war-torn countries by posting another selfie with celebrities.
@SteveSuckington: Interviewer: why did you leave your last job? Me: hmm that's a tough one. I guess I'd probably have to say listening is my biggest strength
@Mr_Kapowski: *Boss approaches desk* "What the fu.." Me, wearing paper clip necklace - "See? I knew you'd be mad so I made you one too"