@infamousone96: You tell me to "walk a mile in your shoes" but the second I break into your house to steal your shoes, you call the cops. Make up your mind.
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@Home_Halfway: ME: How much for this aggressive bottle of water? FIREFIGHTER: Sir that's a hydrant
@just1fool: I just watched one bird chase another bird from tree to tree for five minutes. It was probably over a stolen tweet.
@Ivsy01: If u love someone and they don't love u back the first thing you need to do is make them a scrapbook with you both in little wedding outfits
@peachesanscream: Women who say getting married was the best day of their life have obviously never had 2 Kitkats fall out of a vending machine by mistake.