@OhNoSheTwitnt: You think if I tell my dad "30 is the new 20" he'll start paying all my bills for me again like he did 10 years ago?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@kumailn: I was interviewing my cat & she just kept meowing nonsensically but I didn't wanna interrupt or challenge her because I was afraid she'd end the interview!
@lazerdoov: Don't ask a pregnant lady "do you know the sex?" obviously she knows about sex she's pregnant you stupid idiot
@BuckyIsotope: Did your date order honey for dinner? Did your date eat the waiter when he brought the honey? Is your date a bear? You are dating a bear.
@TheBigBatman: Do you ever get shampoo in your eyes and wonder what the name of your guide dog will be?