@JermHimselfish: You think your day was bad? I just had a 15 minute long argument with a couch cushion.
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@Brampersandon_: KID: I'm starting to feel like I'll never find a Coke with my name on it MOM: Just keep looking, Dangquestrious
@onion_an: Me: I was so happy before I lost my forearms in that shark attack Therapist: How do you feel now? Me: With my elbows
@audipenny: Why are you being weird about how we made eye contact and both smiled and then I took the form of an actual bat and chased you for 11 miles
@meaculpau27: In Starbucks a woman went sh*t house rat crazy when she got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot she ordered. I'm fine now.