@AaronNevins: You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
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@PetrickSara: The most horrifying thing I've ever heard: "MOMMY! MOMMY! I think I just did SCIENCE in the bathroom!"
@TonyFratto: I joke but this Scotland thing is nuts. I mean...imagine if Canada ever tried to secede from the U.S.
@envydatropic: They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that's why I surround myself with lazy people
@LaziestCanine: [teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] "Gemini's go to sleep when they are tired" HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO ME