@1followernodad: You were the hot single in your area the whole time.
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@Book_Krazy: Yeah sex is great, but have you ever rubbed your eyes for a really long time? O. M. G.
@tackie_jackie: Just gave my husband a 3 dozen box of condoms. He laughed and called it a life time supply. I laughed and called him optimistic.
@qwertying: Husband: [sends text] We need to break up. Wife: [sends text] WTF! Husband: [sends text] Sorry. That was meant to go to someone else.