@SergioValenCo: ''You will die alone.'' I hate fortune cookies. Wait! This is a note from my mom!
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@AmericanGent69: Wife: You'll never guess what I got you for your birthday. Me: A 3-way with your sister? Wife: *storms out Me: omg did I ruin the surprise?
@Cherbearxo: Ahhh.......I love the sounds of autumn; that old familiar crunch of Halloween candy wrappers on the floor.
@djdarrellripley: (Sigh) I must be getting older. I just read a whole book about a giant sperm whale called Moby Dick and I didn't giggle once...
@BoogTweets: Me: *Trying to experiment in bed* Her: *looking up from her book* What’s with the lab coat?