@Beatonm5: "..,you will die in seven days"
*creepy voice on the phone*
Me; "new phone, who dis?"
@Breadery: Before Isaac Newton discovered gravity everyone had to glue themselves down.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: "You know, the average woman does it at least 8 times a year in her sleep." -Peter Parker attempting to convince Mary Jane to swallow
@snackpup: God must have really liked saturn
@batkaren: [finding a secret passage in my NYC-apartment that leads to a corpse-filled torture dungeon]
HOLY SHIT LOOK AT ALL THIS EXTRA SPACE I HAVE!
@Tups13: I hate when I think of a great tweet and discover someone did it already. It's like that time I invented the wheelbarrow.