@simoncholland: You wouldn't believe all of the Easter eggs I just found lying in the grass outside of this pre-school.
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@wittwitbarista: My pharmacists won't return my calls anymore *snotty cries* something about no more refills. Quick someone sneeze on me! I'm lonely.
@Not_a_JesusGirl: Playboy has started a new edition for married men with the same women featuring every month.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Which cup do you want? 2-year-old: That one! Me: Let's pick a different one. 2-year-old: No! *drinks milk from a shot glass*