@simoncholland: You wouldn't believe all of the Easter eggs I just found lying in the grass outside of this preschool.
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@mstluvstrinkets: Playing play doh w/ 3 is just her ordering me to "make elephant! Now teapot!" As if I have the artistic ability to create more than a ball.
@Reverend_Scott: Dog Mechanic: The repair is gonna take longer than expected. "Why's that?" Dog Mechanic: The clutch is worn out, also because I am a dog.
@iamspacegirl: [Drive-thru] CRONUS: Yes- I'll have the bucket of popcorn children Intercom: *crackling* Popcorn chicken, sir? CRONUS: omg what did I say
@InternetHippo: ME: Why can’t everyone just be nice EVERYONE: Why can’t you ME: Don’t change the subject