@alive_and_dying: You wouldn't hate anything about yourself if the world hadn't taught you how.
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@vikkaroni: Me: Hello, my name is Vikki and I'm an alcoholic. Operator: Ma'am, this is AAA. Me: I know. I'm an alcoholic and now my car is in a ditch.
@0v3rthOught: Let's go to bed and do naughty things. Fast forward to: jumping on the bed wearing our shoes and giggling uncontrollably.
@joeljeffrey: The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.
@david8hughes: [first day as a bartender] Customer: gimme a scotch on the rocks Me [scrunching towel into glass]: I know lemonade, I can do lemonade