@alive_and_dying: You wouldn't hate anything about yourself if the world hadn't taught you how.
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@Chumpstring: cop: you’re coming with me me: [being handcuffed] but i don’t even know you cop: get in the car me: will you take me to disneyland cop: what do you think me: maybe
@Jeffwni: Keanu Reeves: THERE'S A BOMB ON THE BUS! IF WE GO UNDER 50MPH WE'LL EXPLODE! Me: [while maintaining eye contact, presses "Next Stop" signal]