@aardvarsk: "You'll sleep when I'm dead" -- my phone
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@dance_blessed: Lust is not real love and Domino's is not real pizza but both are fine when you're drunk.
@UNTRESOR: A shark can sense a drop of blood from 3 miles away, and a mom can sense you're not getting enough to eat from 10,000.
@ashmensch: "Excuse me, but the sign says 'No shirt, no shoes, no service.' It doesn't say a goddamn thing about no pants." - Me, drunk at Target