@aardvarsk: "You'll sleep when I'm dead" -- my phone
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@ElleOhHell: A great way to make people nervous is to tell them where the bathroom is without their asking.
@Cheeseboy22: The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
@varoon_singh: When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
@ArfMeasures: LEADER: Welcome to Sarcasm Club ME: I thought this was Gullible Club L: No..but we're all SO happy you're here M: That's so nice thanks!