@dhumann: Your call is important to us. Please continue to hold until your battery is dead.
@peteholmes: "When I call your name say 'omnipresent.'" - teacher to class full of Gods
@SomeChrisTweets: When someone ends a sentence with "af" they were hastily trying to type "A FALCON DESCENDS UPON ME" but could not make it in time.
@KevinFarzad: Hi, welcome to Starbucks! How can we spell your name incorrectly today?
@juneohara65: *puts on strapless bra
*takes an extra Prozac
@BeardSpice: My signature move is signing a piece of paper.