@aneesa_p: Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
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@1Happytwit: I like to skip when I'm carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
@Sickayduh: Sketch artist: Any more details on the attacker? Me: No, that's all I saw *shows me it's just a picture of a fist* Me: *sobbing* That's him
@gingerfaced: [arrives in heaven] how'd you die? me: i was sitting in a beanbag chair and my house caught on fire
@RichardDawkins: I can't think of many people who deserve to go to hell, but people who teach its existence to vulnerable children are prime candidates.