@NicestHippo: Your hair turns white when you get old for evolutionary reasons. Predators leave you alone if they think you're a wizard
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@stormy_hero: [at wedding] "I now pronounce you husband and wife." Couple kisses *yelling from the back row "AWKWAAAARD"
@Jay_FrickinLynn: He pasta way? Here today, gone tomato. You cannoli do so much before thyme is up. Never sausage a tragedy. Olive my thoughts are with you.
@shariv67: People used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a standup comic. Well, no one's laughing now. Wait.