@whosnutstoo: Your heart beats faster, your knees go weak, you start to sweat. Is this love? No you're probably hypoglycemic
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@reczit: Dear messed-up memory, please tell me where are my keys instead of reminding me that shit I did on May 08, 2002 at 09;13;54 PM.
@stoneman67: I don't mind the thought of guardian angels watching over me. I just want them to stop giggling when I shower.
@jwoodham: DATING TIP: Pick up the check. Pick up the table. Pick up the chairs and the waitress and the bartender. Everyone loves upper body strength.
@ohpegah: [playing with a Ouija board with my dog] Board: B A L L Me: I know that's you moving it! Stop! Board: T R E A T S