@somecleverthing: Your Joke Is Factually Incorrect - A Guide to Dying Alone.
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@jaslakhmna: The new Exorcist movie plot: Family hires the devil to get a priest out of her son!
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Trump is blaming Sanders supporters for the violence at his rally because you can't truly be Hitler until you blame a Jew for your problems.
@thatdutchperson: [Stares deeply into date's eyes before going to the bathroom] "I've counted these fries."