@somecleverthing: Your Joke Is Factually Incorrect - A Guide to Dying Alone.
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@murrman5: *comes home from poker night earlier than usual looks at wife while picking up the dog and leaves without saying anything*
@WheelTod: My wife urged me to be more experimental in the bedroom, but I guess she wasn't expecting I'd be dissecting so many white mice.
@GrowlyGrego: "Bear with me for a minute." - Russian guy providing an airtight alibi for his criminal bear friend.
@Nahdude83: I was making breakfast, then "She's a maniac" came on the radio... Everything is a blur. Why am I so tired? Why am I in this steel factory?