@somecleverthing: Your Joke Is Factually Incorrect - A Guide to Dying Alone.
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@ScottyDsntKnow3: My wife thinks I'm too impulsive. How the hell would she know? We only met last week!
@NikkiGlaser: Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
@AbrasiveGhost: What did u do last night? Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows? Me [covering tub of dead birds]: is that the saying?