@somecleverthing: Your Joke Is Factually Incorrect - A Guide to Dying Alone.
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@causticbob: BBC:when a women is attracted to a man, she speaks in a higher pitch than normal That explains why every woman I talk to sounds like Batman
@iGreenMonk: Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Me: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
@OtherDanOBrien: MOSES: Cool thinkpiece GOD: It's a list of commandments. Not everything is a thinkpiece! Jesus Christ MOSES: Who? GOD: Oops, sorry. Spoilers
@ComedicBust: *On my Deathbed* Me: Tell Tac.. *cough* Wife: What sweetie? Tell who what?! Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..