@dance_blessed: Your love is like Vicodin. You take away my pain but make me sick to stomach afterwards and you're also white.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@davedittell: "she's too good for him" "he doesn't deserve her" "she should be with me" "I need a good girl like that" --me looking at other people's dogs
@greg_vee: I've been ignoring these dirty dishes for 47 minutes and they still haven't taken the hint. It's just awkward now...
@daemonic3: 50 Shades of Grey is my favorite movie about a dog trying to read a map of the United States.
@TheHyyyype: [first date] HER: I'm really into guys with ambitions ME: *trying to impress her* that's perfect, I have two frogs