@dance_blessed: Your love is like Vicodin. You take away my pain but make me sick to stomach afterwards and you're also white.
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@EamonToPlease: My phone just sent me an unsolicited hockey score. Aren't there Japanese horror films that start this way?
@TheTweetOfGod: Heaven is like arriving at Disneyland. Hell is like still being at Disneyland three weeks later.
@Togsbabble: My dog eats his puke and dirty tissues... but I point him to a mushroom I dropped and he gives me the "what is this shit" look.