@dance_blessed: Your love is like Vicodin. You take away my pain but make me sick to stomach afterwards and you're also white.
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@crunchenhancer: When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won't eat you. If that doesn't work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
@Jacob_Swift16: When I was a child someone shot me with a flare gun and I've been absolutely fabulous ever since
@TheBoydP: Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife's is around $643.27. Apparently
@corysnearowski: My girlfriend broke up with me. I am devastated. How could you. I did everything. I surprised you with burgers every night