@balloonsmatt: Your mother and I want you to know that we love you very much, so that’s why we’re getting a divorce and marrying you instead.
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@UnFitz: Wild horses could easily drag me away. Probably a good sized dog or motivated cat could do the trick. A big bunch of gerbils, maybe.
@samalmightysam: Don't worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex's name tattooed.
@themiltron: PERSON WHO JUST INVENTED WINDOWS: Check it out. PERSON WHO’S ABOUT TO INVENT CURTAINS: I hate it.