@joshgondelman: Your Scooby Doo Villain Name is "old" plus your gender plus your last name.
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@jessforaminute: *Calls the DMV* Hi yes I've lost ten pounds please send a new license with my updated weight thanks
@iAmDelFreaky: Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
@StinkyGr33n: Boss to our group: "Let's talk about what inspires you. Mike, you go first." Me: *Goes home*