@Aspersioncast: Your secrets are safe with me, I wasn't even listening to you.
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@Brentweets: I let an AT&T Customer Service Representative call me Brenda for a half hour because I was too embarrassed to correct him
@MollySneed: [first date] I just love that you are a normal, cool girl. *subtly slides macaroni art of your face back under my chair* -Yeah, totally.
@juneohara65: "Go ahead, caller. . ." "Yes, hello. My dog dug up a femur and I'd like to make soup. Would you suggest carrots or potatoes?"
@david8hughes: [opens treasure chest & it's full of treasure] Me: whoa Friend: what is it? Me [slowly closing chest]: spiders