@goodtimenoel: You're all arguing about what color the dress is... While I'm having sex with the girl who took it off.
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@roadsidephil: Saw a "Toby Keith's I Love This Bar" that went out of business. Apparently he was the only one.
@TheMichaelRock: After shaking someone's hand, I like to maintain eye contact while applying hand sanitizer.
@TheTweetOfGod: Your overexposure to Korean pop music last year will be nothing compared to your overexposure to Korean nuclear radiation this year.