@goodtimenoel: You're all arguing about what color the dress is... While I'm having sex with the girl who took it off.
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@Tmoney68: Me: Where do you want to eat? Her: Wherever you pick is fine. Narrator: Wherever he picked was not fine.
@Cyd10e: 9 year-old attempts to follow a recipe: "It says here to separate the eggs. How far apart do they have to be?"
@bridger_w: This year, teach your kids the true meaning of Easter by trapping them in a stone tomb for three days.
@eye_spyder: You hear about that roman ruler who found the fountain of youth? Emperor constant teen.