@NicestHippo: You're an adult now. Stop lying about your life on Facebook and start doing it on LinkedIn
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@SamDelanche: Impatient means she's restlessly eager, inpatient means she lives in a mental hospital... Learned that one the hard way.
@bossy_bootz: Everyone's an atheist until they're making a phone call & praying it goes to voicemail
@Snotgun: I've conditioned myself to only poop at work. Now my bathroom smells great but I can't take more than 2 days off w/o terrible constipation.