@SilentIstheJ: You're like the menstrual cramp and bloating of people.
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@kumailn: "I'll be a dentist. Then they'll love me." "We're terrified of dentists." "I'll kill a lion!" "It was a beloved lion with a name." "Dammit."
@BakedBrotatoes: Girls are just like pasta. Throw her against the wall, if she sticks, she's ready.
@msbtx: Coworker: I like working with you. I feel like I can really talk to you Me: I'm sorry I gave you that impression. That's not correct
@sweetandweak: Him: my name is Robert but my friends call me Bob, you can call me whatever you like. Me: Cool, nice to meet you Nachos.