@SilentIstheJ: You're like the menstrual cramp and bloating of people.
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@fatherofcomedy: I don't like doing the same things again so much that I can never be a serial killer.
@onion_an: Me: My dog has gone missing Dog pound: What colour is it? Me: Brown Dog pound: Sex? Me [turns to wife]: Has the dog lost his virginity?
@abhorrent_wife: I'm at my sexiest when I find the grown out patch of hair on the outside of my ankle I missed with the razor the last 17 times I shaved.