@Carmel_Coleman: You're more likely to find something when you're not looking for it. Right now, I'm not looking for a bunch of cash. I hope this shit works.
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@Xoolun: I was pissed when I dropped my iPhone in the toilet. Not as pissed as the girl I was trying to take pics of though.
@offbeatoliv: I think that as a reward for losing 200 lbs you should be able to use all of that loose skin to become a human version of a flying squirrel.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at the pearly gates] I said, "send me a selfie." Then she said, "too ugly today." So I said, "never stopped you before" ...& here I am.
@MarfSalvador: My ability to attract girls has increased exponentially since I started my new hobby 'crying whilst pushing round an empty stroller'