@Carmel_Coleman: You're more likely to find something when you're not looking for it. Right now, I'm not looking for a bunch of cash. I hope this shit works.
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@ranndrew: "How much do you love me?" Count the stars in the sky and that's how much I love you "But it's so cloudy" *pats her on the head* Yeah I know
@ILikeFaucet: Boss: Dan why is your hand raised? Me: can I go to the bathroom? Boss: Dan you're 23. This is a business meeting Me: so that's a yes?
@CorkyKneivel: GUY: Sorry you two broke up. What happened? ME: Well, like most things, it can be traced to the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand...
@dyldonot: my girlfriend went to slip into something more comfortable six months ago which makes me wonder how comfortable you can possibly be