@JasonBerlin: You're never gonna believe this, but I feel negatively about the day of the week when I have to stop relaxing and resume working.
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@Maxine12339: Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
@LindaInDisguise: I hope my husband never gets Alzheimer's but if he does, I imagine my favorite part will be saying "I gave you one yesterday."
@jonnysun: im more than just a birth year and a death year so my tombstone will instead be engraved with a handful of random years i remember enjoying
@omgthatspunny: Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands. I love this joke because it never grows old.