@JasonBerlin: You're never gonna believe this, but I feel negatively about the day of the week when I have to stop relaxing and resume working.
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@brennadine: Therapist: So what happened in your last relationship? I lost him to addiction. Therapist: I'm so sorry. Drugs? Yes please.
@DancesWithTamis: I want a rich person to hire me to float around in their pool and feed me bread I want to be a wealthy person's duck
@GavinProbably: I always ask Subway workers if THEY want double meat, then wink. Then I get kicked out.
@AristotlesNZ: If a cop is at the door when I answer, I yell into the house "Anyone order a stripper?" then say "Sorry, wrong house" & slam the door shut.