@BillyMeetsWorld: You're never too old to disappoint your parents.
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@iscoff: The reason Latin is a dead language is because they kept accidentally summoning demons during regular conversations
@Storminika: I hate it when strangers question me. I'm with my kid, & this lady goes, 'He's cute. Who does he look like?' I'm like, 'Your husband'
@oxygenplug: "we're out of bread" "ciabatta be kidding!" [waiter takes out gun] "make another bread pun and ur toast, pal... shit" [i take out my gun]
@RafaelaStoakes: Iron Man Iron Man Does whatever an iron can Makes stuff hot Makes stuff flat Burns your hand Burns the cat Burns the house down . . Shit!