@BillyMeetsWorld: You're never too old to disappoint your parents.
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@crushingbort: Some dude just ran into Starbucks, grabbed coconut water yelling "white people milk" and left. Went outside, coconut water all over street
@TheMichaelRock: Bad news: I just stepped on the cat. Even worse news: I think I just created a Nicki Minaj song.
@lazerdoov: Dr. says I have an enlarged heart thanks doc I already know I'm super nice just trying to figure out why I can't breathe when I eat chips
@ArfMeasures: DOCTOR: Im sorry, I can't see you right now ME: [wearing my new camouflage suit] lol that is so awesome