@Brianhopecomedy: You're probably wondering how I tweet so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
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@RichardWiseman: This is why you should never put a bald person on the front page of a newspaper
@eyeswidebutt: [a postapocalyptic world where everyone has killed themselves so they dont have to hear my opinions] me: lemme explain y this is problematic
@Bob_Janke: I still say a wasp's nest chucked through the window would be the ideal way to end any hostage situation. Nobody's hanging around in there.
@drewtoothpaste: 2019: Tumblr blinks offline, satisfied, having completed its mission of collecting all existing TV and film footage as GIF files.