@llvvzz: You're psychiatrist's opinion about your social media habits don't count if he has less followers than you.
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@callie_cakes: Ex: Holy skinny jeans! Me: They are new. Like them? Ex: Sure... Me: What? Ex: Should a woman your age wear those? Divorce Reason 509
@vornietom: People who say "don't hate the player hate the game" are working under the wildly false assumption that I am unable to hate 2 things at once
@Brampersandon_: [Americas Got Talent] ME: *reads an opinion different than mine online without getting offended* JUDGE (under his breath): how'd he do that
@tricycle_champ: [walking away from taco truck] WIFE: whats wrong ME: nothing WIFE: did u think the truck would be one giant taco ME: *wiping away tears* no