@Eightinchgoat: You're right, strange woman giving me your opinion on having tattoos. I regret them right now because they caused you to talk to me.
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@JediGigi: Interviewer: Your resume only has "Mad" under "Skills" Me: Yeah boyee Interviewer: *tears up* You're just what we need. Welcome to Subway.
@neerjagurnani: Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I'm affordable" instead of "I'm adorable". Stop embarrassing me.
@Jade_VK: [campfire] ME: They say these trees are over 200 years old. Man, if trees could talk... TREE: Please stop burning my flesh to cook hot dogs.
@houffy: *i get home riding a pig* Wife: Hey honey, how was the "Hog Riders" meeting? Me: *sighs* Pointless...this one was for motorcycles too.