@PimpleEye: You're so vein, you probably think this bloody cut is about you.
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@3sunzzz: Friend: Wow, you've been happily married for 25 years?! What is your secret? Me: He travels, A LOT.
@ComedicBust: I always take my dates straight to the movies after dinner. That way she doesn't have the chance to ask me why I eat soup with my hands.
@kelkulus: We'd have serious problems if Peter Jackson ever became president. He'd look at World Wars I and II and see them as an unfinished trilogy.