@Grind_n_Roll: You're the she to my nanigans.
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@Eightinchgoat: The next person to tell me I should quit smoking for New Years is gonna be responsible for me breaking this year's "no murder" resolution.
@EndhooS: [Meeting friends baby] Me: [bouncing him on my knee] he's a big boy isn't he Friend: yeah he was 11 pounds Me: wow that's cheap
@zachraffio: They say real men hunt their food, which is why I throw a spear through the box of pasta before letting it bleed out in my shopping cart.