@peachesanscream: You've seen nothing until you've seen a picture of a pigeon having a job interview to become a pigeon:
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@carlyken: Friend apologizes for mess. Friend has immaculate house. Open her closet. Out comes 78 books, a piano and a gentleman squirrel in a top hat.
@TheLastPeg: Your 'Chemistry' with your girlfriend is great if you remember her 'Periodic Table'.
@SaraESpivey: When my ex worked out of town, he would take my vibrators away from me. Said I was cheating on him w/them. He shoulda taken his brother too.
@_Mo_lee_: This guy next to me thinks I'm flirting, but really I'm just trying to see where he parks so I can steal his gas