@peachesanscream: You've seen nothing until you've seen a picture of a pigeon having a job interview to become a pigeon:
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@TheBeerGuy73: Note to self: When the wife asks "Do you like my new hair", don't reply with "It'll grow back, right?"
@Reverend_Scott: You excited to watch the Super Bowl? "Ya, but only cuz the commercials." [sounds of man being beaten to death with bowl of chips and dip]
@briancthayer: Hamburglar search history: • sentence for stealing burgers • do inmates get burgers • what is prison "beef" • countries that don't extradite
@daplusk: The only time me and a girl orgasmed at the same time,nnShe didn't even know I was in the cupboard.