@CherBear162: Zombies..stay away from junk people or you'll gain a shit-ton of weight.
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@cray_at_home_ma: Me, to all my kids before the age of 2. "No screens allowed." On their 2nd birthday, handing over iPad. "This is your mother now."
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: I still have water in my ears from yesterday. I can't hear the kids. Wife: You should shake it out. Me: Why would I want to do that?
@Staggfilms: Shut up and put on your matching Adidas track suit so everyone at Costco knows we're a couple. Don't make this weird.
@shutupmikeginn: Ah yes keep complaining the guy at 7/11 doesn't speak English well enough, like you aren't the moron who needs help in a convenience store