@CherBear162: Zombies..stay away from junk people or you'll gain a shit-ton of weight.
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@MrsJekyllsHyde: In the Walking Dead how and when does the cop guy find time to clean, iron, and press his uniform during the zombie apocalypse?
@iwearaonesie: *gets out of bed* *steps on something* me: Ugh *turns light on* wife: What is it? me: The cat caught another smart car
@Underchilde: Therapist: Do you have any regrets? Me: Well, this one time— Therapist [pinches bridge of nose] Other than buying fat-free salad dressing.
@weirdralph: My son keeps running around naked, so I sprayed him with Windex. It's supposed to prevent streaking.