@UnFitz

10: Dad, what’s a cliffhanger?

Me: Well, son …

[to be continued]

You Might Also Like

@AndrewChamings

Dinosaurs prolly have ghosts too, what if there’s a diplodocus just standing where your house is right now, bored as shit

@bea_ker

I had two ribs removed so I could pet small dogs easier.

@roostermustache

Me: yeah was bingo the name of the dog or the farmer

Professor: i meant questions about the exa- holy shit

@JoParkerBear

How To Avoid Dating

?You’re too young for me.
?I’m too young for you.
?I don’t date men my age.
?Okay, but after I finish my antibiotics.

@therepoguy

People who are complaining of shoveling driveways, haven’t you heard of moving?

@Staggfilms

GOOD COP: We can do the easy way…

BAD COP: Or the hard way.

UNDERCOVER COP: [muffled] Guys, get under the covers with me! It’s so cozy and I have a flashlight and comic books under here!

@maughammom

Me: “Want a banana?”

3yo: “Yes, but don’t cut it up. And don’t peel it. And don’t make it be a banana. Make it be a waffle.”

@SwirlySkittles

Me: These five words I swear to you, when you breathe I want-

Him: Stop singing to the mustard

Me: *stands up and closes fridge* Whatever.