100% legal to pay a kid to punch another kid in the face.

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I missed two of my mom’s calls, so I assume the helicopter that just flew over my house is part of the search crew she called.


hello 9-1-1? my girlfriend’s been kidnapped
“stay calm sir, what’s ur girlfriend’s name”
oh she goes to another school u wouldn’t know her


When grocery shopping, I only buy foods that can also be used as a weapon. Cantaloupe is a good example of this.


My cat just walked by me carrying a toy mouse I don’t remember buying her. Women be shoppin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


There are exactly two (2) kinds of names in DnD

1) Ephena Solancae Diuturna of Theviara II

2) Smork Dirtbag


The expression should be “seeing things eyes to eyes”. Otherwise you’re suggesting a meeting of the minds between Cyclops


Martial arts movie, starring me
Master: You wish to learn to fight?
Me: Yes
Master: The training is very difficult
Me: Oh then no
The End


A drivers license is basically just a selfie with way too much info.