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I don’t know if this is a bacon bit or a scab, but either way it’s delicious.


MOM: gnight 🙂 sleep tight 🙂 don’t let the bed bugs bite 🙂


BED BUG: *tries to bite me*

ME: sorry bedbug my mom said no

BED BUG: julia said that? wow i thought she was cool


Let’s just say she wasn’t impressed when I picked her up in my go-kart.


Me:Yes sir, I’d like to try that bracelet on
[points at display case]
Clerk: Ma’am, those are donuts
Me: …..


So is Walmart a verb now?
As in, “I’m out of clean underwear, so I’m going to have to Walmart it today.”


parent cockroaches be like “don’t let me catch you in those nice neighborhoods”


My husband got new earbuds. Think I’ll skip the middle man and put them straight in the washing machine.


Definition of Insomnia:

Finding a spider in your bedroom & when you leave for a second to get the spray & come back it’s gone