You Might Also Like


I seem pretty put together for a grown woman who imagines she’s traveling through a wormhole each time she pulls a turtleneck over her head.


“You will not marry him! He is not of our kind!”

But we’re in love!

“It is forbidden!”

*whale elopes with submarine*


Top uses for Golf Balls:
1. Describing hail storms
2. Describing tumors
3. Playing golf


Biden: Oh boy, his car is here, quick let’s all hide
Obama: Joe pls


SERGEANT [on the radio]: mayday mayday we’ve located an enemy hotspot

ME [bullets dinging my helmet]: oooh get the password Sarge


Me: Let’s go outside & make love in the rain.

Her: What if there’s lightning?

Me: Then you get to be on top…