@omgthatspunny
@LizHackett
I seem pretty put together for a grown woman who imagines she’s traveling through a wormhole each time she pulls a turtleneck over her head.
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@LizHackett
@BlindChow
“You will not marry him! He is not of our kind!”
But we’re in love!
“It is forbidden!”
*whale elopes with submarine*
@daemonic3
Top uses for Golf Balls:
1. Describing hail storms
2. Describing tumors
3. Playing golf
@hansmollman
Biden: Oh boy, his car is here, quick let’s all hide
Obama: Joe pls
@ShortSleeveSuit
SERGEANT [on the radio]: mayday mayday we’ve located an enemy hotspot
ME [bullets dinging my helmet]: oooh get the password Sarge
@Jason_Horton
WHO
@djdarrellripley
Me: Let’s go outside & make love in the rain.
Her: What if there’s lightning?
Me: Then you get to be on top…
@AphroditeAfter5
I do have a swimmers body, he’s been in my trunk for days