You Might Also Like

@Shot_Of_Cabo

Can’t.. arguing with someone who thinks phone internet and internet internet are two different internets.

@dksc4life

doctor: i’m sorry but you only have a few more years left to live

me: oh my god. you’re lying

doctor *shows me a chart of global warming* i am not

@SufficientCharm

I was doing well on my diet until I got my period and had to eat four pieces of pizza, a block of cheese, two candy bars, and seven houses.

@Jennifergr8

Women dressed head to toe in animal print just bumped into me, thought I was being attacked my an obese leopard.

@duplicitron

Tug on my ponytail if you want to know what karate feels like.

@juice3wavy

me: *sends friend a message at 2 am*

friend: *responds*

me: woah woah there wtf are you doing up go to sleep this isn’t healthy for u

@Crutnacker

Biden: Trump’s sons were nice

Obama: Considering you called them the Menendez brothers all day

B: Uday and Qusay?

@AsgardianRose

I’ve cleaned the entire house so no one is allowed to live here anymore.