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@WilliamAder

If the final episode of Game of Thrones doesn’t feature a group hug with everyone singing “Kumbaya,” then I don’t know what I’m talking about.

@Jandalize

Of course I’m a mom, why else would I hide in the laundry room to eat cake?

@SoVeryBritish

Still suddenly panicking that you haven’t done your homework on Sunday evenings, despite being in your thirties

@stevevsninjas

Boss: Any final questions for our applicant?
Sphinx: *eyes blazing like searchlights* Three sons have I and-
Boss: WORK-related questions

@lizetagge

Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles.

@Aspersioncast

My doctor said I shouldn’t hug people, admittedly it was 10 years ago when I had the flu but I still use that one.

@steeve_again

Me: this math stuff isn’t gonna help us in the real world

[20 years later]

Boss: ok lift on three

Me: oh shit

@ArfMeasures

[the first ever boomerang]

HIM: Get rid of it
ME [scared] I can’t

@ThaJawn

Clown: OMG! I just crashed my car!

Clown 911: We are dispatching 20 ambulances to your location