If the final episode of Game of Thrones doesn’t feature a group hug with everyone singing “Kumbaya,” then I don’t know what I’m talking about.
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Of course I’m a mom, why else would I hide in the laundry room to eat cake?
Still suddenly panicking that you haven’t done your homework on Sunday evenings, despite being in your thirties
Boss: Any final questions for our applicant?
Sphinx: *eyes blazing like searchlights* Three sons have I and-
Boss: WORK-related questions
Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles.
My doctor said I shouldn’t hug people, admittedly it was 10 years ago when I had the flu but I still use that one.
Me: this math stuff isn’t gonna help us in the real world
[20 years later]
Boss: ok lift on three
Me: oh shit
I don’t eat some foods.
[the first ever boomerang]
HIM: Get rid of it
ME [scared] I can’t
Clown: OMG! I just crashed my car!
Clown 911: We are dispatching 20 ambulances to your location