Why just pufferfish? Why not other pufferanimals?
Why not a pufferpuma?
You Might Also Like
*brings a knife to a knife fight, because I read the instructions*
ME: my bald eagle is very sick, I think he needs to be put down
VET: that’s illegal
ME: yes I said that
Girls, if you’re gonna shave your eyebrows off just to draw them on again, at least make them interesting. How about drawing two umbrellas?
What’s pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
What’s purple and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath.#RubbishJokes #PinkDay
#ThursdayVibe
[dog park]
Dog: omg I just found out I’m adopted
Other Dogs: [barking in shock]
what’s even the ecological purpose of mosquitoes? to feed the birds ?? can’t we all just chip in like $5 each and buy a bunch of birdseeds from costco and cancel the mosquitoes ???
Cat saves kid? Please. My cat would’ve pushed me into traffic, stolen my identity, & would be living it up in Mexico by now.
My husband said he wants a blowie for his birthday. I don’t know what he’ll do with this snow blower in summertime…luckily it was on sale.
Nice beard bro looks like you just ate a bunch of lollipops then made out with your cat
8 ways to manage anger:
– scream into tapestry
– incoherent accusations
– threaten France
– try to shoot lightening from finger tips
– wine
– hurl Spaniards into the Thames
– cake for you and no one else
– new wife
My friend met a wonderful man and swears that her dead ex-boyfriend sent him to her. I’m so jealous. I wish my ex-boyfriend was dead.
My mom always says if I get tattoos now they’ll look ridiculous when I’m old which is why i’m waiting till i turn 90 to get my first one
My favorite episode of House Hunters is the one where the couple wants an open floor plan, lots of natural light, and room to entertain.
[sexting]
Her: Are you naked?
Me (taking a shit): Yes
* Finds what I’m looking for
* Can’t remember why I was looking
Me: [raises hand to hail cab]
*Catches random touchdown pass
[sees kid crying]
Kid: Im lost
Me: that’s ok. We’re all lost. Happiness is an illusion. Life is meaningless. Death is around the corner. Bye
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: would you like me to throw that away for you?
RACCOON: *clutching banana peel* this is my carry on thank you very much
Me: *puts on hand sanitizer*
0.0002% of germs: Noooooo!
Why am I like this?
#Shipping #Ecommerce #SmallBusiness #USPS #ShipDude
My husband is taking me out on a trail today for some fun. If it doesn’t involve me riding a horse through the woods to view a dead body, I’m gonna be pissed.
Alarm clock that releases spiders… NOW you’re up. Million dollar idea.
Look, I’m just saying it might be financially viable to use rice cakes instead of spray foam insulation
Shout out to that lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my speedo
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the other losers who missed a 15 million square mile target.
You would think that if the wife left clean dishes in one side of the sink it would be okay for you to leave dirty dishes in the other side of the sink. You would think…
I never had a childhood bully, but I do have a toddler, so same.
Over the weekend at a friend’s house I was like “Alexa! play the last argument” and they both panicked
ghosts in movies are stupid if i was a ghost id be in the bahamas but they’re just like “lets stay here and move pots and pans”