It’s ok spider, everyone screams when I surprise them in the shower too
13: Dad, do you believe in miracles?
Me: Do you remember spray painting my car?
M: Are you breathing?
M: Well, there ya go
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Just saw a really hot woman in 9inch heels pay for a plasma tv with ones.. I could be wrong but i think she might be a librarian.
Untitled Goose Game (2019)
when i die please avenge my death regardless of the circumstances
Please don’t ask me what I’m doing this weekend without first making it clear whether or not you’re going to invite me to something that I’m going to have to make up a lie to get out of
I put my baby on the baby changing station in the bathroom and when I was done, it was the same baby. 🙁
Technically, it’s only cannibalism if you eat the top half of the mermaid, your honour.
I don’t want a Hot Pocket. I’d rather have a pocket with a nice sense of humor & a pleasant personality.
Making fun of someone you’re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
I bet squirrels walk at a leisurely pace when no one is looking.