14 Valentine’s Day jokes that laugh in the face of Cupid

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Why would you ask me for directions?

You just saw me walk into a closed door.


Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together, Hermoine went alone and got attacked by a troll.


If I insult you, I’m either flirting or genuinely don’t like you. Good luck with that.


*makes New Year’s resolution to drink more water*

*starts adding ice to my wine*


If you’ve ever asked yourself, “what if Cartman grew up and became president?”, well…


Some lady just wrong-number texted me so I tried being funny but I think I scared her off from going to brunch


I’m Indian but not “able to read sanskrit” Indian so slow down there Raj, aside from the heart eye emojis I have no idea wtf your DM means.


My sister used a Kroger bag to bleach her hair and the logo came off on her head happy Monday


People with nuclear weapons are now effectively calling each other poopy pants. I’m gonna stop coming to work now.