The news reported a story about an angry woman, in a grocery store, that drop-kicked a cake.
Dear God, woman. Not the cake!
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MAN EATING NUTS: “Want one?” [offers bag]
MAN IN TRENCHCOAT: “May I have… seven?”
[coat rustles excitedly]
*Brings pen to sword fight*
Guy with sword : What’s that?
Me : Tis mightier!
[eharmony] based on your responses, your perfect match is a trashcan..
[eharmony] ..full of raccoons
[me] omg I love raccoons
Lady was pissy when I insisted on walking with her to the parking lot, but it was raining and she had an umbrella.
single because i didn’t forward that chain mail in 2008
Don’t forget to celebrate Columbus Day by moving in to someone else’s house and telling everyone it’s yours, then closing the post office.
In Spain, it’s considered bad luck to die in a car accident
Is a fake boyfriend a placebeau?
I don’t trust the so-called “mainstream media.” I get news from ouija boards and an angry owl living in the woods on the outskirts of town.